Always check your pockets before leaving a car.

On this episode I try the following premises:

• Calling hotels to pre-empt the hacking by just giving them my bank info and social;
• get help getting the fingerprint dye off my fingers before work;
• try to get a hotel discount for the cadaver parts, bags of baby teeth, and buckets of blood.

Thanks to

• Shaffer the Dark Lord for the show title and inspiration song (and to Phone Losers for discovering it).
• everyone who contributed ideas this show in the chat (see the Kudos tab below)
• all Patreons

Unfortunately I'm not as good at managing deadlines as I thought.

And damn it work, don't you know I have prank calls to make??? Sorry all.

On this episode, I mostly just try to get the hotels to rent me a room with extra chastity upgrades, because we have enough kids already.

Thanks to

• @iregretjumping for the show title
• all Patreons

See you later in the week alligator

On this episode, I lazily didn't come prepared with a premise, so I made that the premise and called various businesses to tell them I just want them to hurry up and pick what i should get for me. That was especially fun when I called tattoo parlors, home depots, trader joes, and hotels to get them to just pick for me.

Also there's a secret call after the credits, but I shouldn't have told you that.

Thanks to

• Myself for the show title
• all the fun chatters who yelled out hilarious ideas and dad-jokes in chat
• all Patreons

On this episode I invest in everything! and try to get a refund on the spray paint i shoplifted from home depot courtesy @itstiff.

Thanks to

• ben and sissi for joining as patreons
• @andyanderson for the show title
• all Patreons

Accusing people of being too flirty with me yields surprisingly fun results (thanks Kali!)

I'll fill in more details later.

On this episode I call places on Memorial Day for a moment of silence and see how long I can get them to hold it. It's pretty funny if you're into that sort of thing. More happened, but I can't remember what.

More to follow! I am putting conditioner in my hair. I will fill it in after.

Make up show later this week

On this episode, 1/3 of the way to 1,000, I try the following premises:

• Making reservations at restaurants for 40 people, but don't worry we'll bring our own food to make it easier for them to accommodate us.
• Also, we're all blind.
• Seeing if restaurants will accommodate my iron lung bubble.
• Asking why someone else's clothes and suitcase are in my hotel room, and why my room key isn't working to the point where i had to jimmy open the door.

Thanks to

• @bjmoulton and @kali and @iregrethumping for the premise ideas
• @parkman for the youtube suggestion
• @myself for the show title
• all Patreons

On this episode I try the following premises:

• calling hotels to tell them I’m building a toll booth on their property (thanks @kali)
• asking forgiveness, in advance instead of permission
• calling hotels to get the parking lot cleared immediately, no questions allowed
• calling hotels as a blind driver, to get help leading my car into their parking lot
• calling places to say I walked out without my prosthetic leg until I realized it a half mile away and now I’m stuck and unable to walk
• calling places to say I lost my hearing aid and then repeating “WHAT” (thanks @iregretjumping)

Thanks to

• @ItsTifff for joining as a patreon!
• @kali for the show title
• all Patreons