I have schedule conflicts preventing me from inserting witty excuses here. I'll do makeup shows later in the week, probably during the day on either Thursday or Friday.

On this episode I, call hotels and ask them to help give us a "moment of loudness" (hattip @kali) to commemorate a made up person.
That didn't go very well, so we eventually changed it to coordinating a group lunch at places I don't work, sponsored by Pastor Roy's Lunch Income program.

I also called up Barbershops to collect their loose floor hair to make hair helmets for our Take-A-Wish kids.

And more!

Thanks to

• @neddypranks and @labialamborghini for joining as a Patreon!
• all Patreons

I'm still waiting for a working mic to arrive. My new one is arriving Thursday, so ill probably do a show during the day then… Sorry to anyone who was looking forward to me humiliating myself live tonight. I promise that I'll doubly embarrass myself on my next show to make it up to everyone.

No show Monday september 15th. Postponed until later in the week.

Something got deleted here - not sure what happened

Part of a toast I gave at my daughter's wedding.

I'm workshopping this for an open mic night.

On this wedding-themed episode I try the following premises:

• Calling wedding halls and event planners, trying to get them to agree to let our https://takeawish.org child, fulfill his dying wish of objecting during a wedding; and pretending the wedding is for him; and other similar ridiculousness.
• Plus! @fieldwaveaudio joins and absolutely slays the piano in between calls (and during some pranks, like when we try to get a condemned child on deathrow permission to play piano in the lobby of a hotel!).

I can't get over how great he is! Thanks to @AndyAnderson for that awesome recommendation!

No outro song needed this week, because @fieldwaveaudio played us off! But here's a joke I made up for the wedding toast that you might enjoy: https://prankcast.com/milkbox/posts/12248--mbs-punchlimes-wedding-toast

Thanks to:

• myself for the show title
• my wife for being an awesome sport
• everyone in chat who contributed hilarious suggestions
• all our awesome Patreons

On this episode I try the following premises:

• Calling front desks to tattle on the guest in a wheelchair for faking it.
• Complaining that handicapped people are parking in regular people's (standicapped) spots and taking our spaces.
• Subtly dropping hints that I'm a time traveller from the future trying to stop my younger self from making a catastrophic mistake by checking in to their hotel in a few weeks.
• Asking the front desk to reserve a handicapped spot for me with their bosses chair.
• Calling prayer lines to complain that saying "A men" is not gender inclusive enough.
• and more!

Outro Song:

• Handipass: https://suno.com/s/bDkF4AmLGjzvKPSn

Thanks to

• @iregretjumping for the show title.
• @drakedragsaw and @whiskeyneon for joining as patreons!
• all my other Patreons. you rule!

On this episode I try the following premises:

• Trying to do mouth to mouse CPR to revive a rat.
• Doing the same thing on a fish.
• Other silly fun premises.

Thanks to

• @whiskeyneon for joining as a Patreon
• @iregretjumping for the show title
• all Patreons

On this not-so-family-friendly episode I try the following premises:

• Calling hotels and asking them how to book a room that hasn't been previously defiled by sinners (thanks @icecat!). Or even just a bed. Unexpectedly, this premise worked really well as people either tried to accommodate me, or talk me into booking defiled hotel rooms.
• Trying to file my data report in the hotel love log (aka the Sindex, Rolosex, Dicktionary, Shag Sheet, Spread Sheet, Pussport, Databoink, Boink Book, and the other hilarious puns the chatroom came up with for ).

As a warning to those who listen to this show with their family and churchgoers during their Sunday morning services, this is probably an episode to skip.

Thanks to

• @iregretjumping for the initial impetus for the show idea
• @andyanderson for the show title
• All the hilarious people in chat who made me laugh and break character a bunch.
• all Patreons

Apologies for the late notice. [Insert witty excuse here]

In this post-retirement show, I come back briefly for a guest appearance on my former show to:

• get people to apologize to me for their behavior in my dream last night.
• try to book local hotel rooms in alternative time zones.
• get front desks to agree to speak to me in pig latin.
• try to make front desks think I'm an AI (thanks Omnom!)
• apologize to the front desk for accidentally packing up the towels, sheets, pillows and tv on the way out.
  Thanks to @despicabledogs, @criefaux, and @devonanustart for stopping by to make some pig latin calls with me!